am i human yet?

as lame as it gets

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The first review

April 8th, 2010 by Justine
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The first article/review about my book has appeared in this month’s edition of Aesthetica magazine and I’m pretty blown away by it. I’d been interviewed about the novel but wasn’t expecting anything like this. It’s fantastic.

Here. Have a blurry iPhone photo of it:

The observant among you may recognise the photo as one I took of myself last summer, hiding from lions and tigers and bears oh my! in the field behind Sussex University.

For some reason their website seems to be down at the moment, but you can read the editorial at the Aesthetica blog. And, of course, buy the magazine at various places in the UK, Europe and the US.

The article is the first in the writing section, and I’m happily sandwiched between the writer Andrew Porter and dear Rufus Wainwright.

And there’s nowhere I’d rather be.

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Well, this is it

April 1st, 2010 by Justine
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Today is the day my first novel Advice for Strays is published.

Today is a day I never thought I’d live to see.

Today I have the day off work.

Today the sun is shining.

Today is a good day.

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Soon come

March 25th, 2010 by Justine
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It’s seven days until April 1st. Until Advice for Strays is published.

I know this because my iPhone told me and my iPhone knows everything:

I think I can realistically be described now as “squeeing my pants”.

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Live TV nerves of nervousness

March 10th, 2010 by Justine
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The Glamour piece seems to have gone down well. Really well. In fact so well, that the producers of ITV’s This Morning called my publicist on the day the magazine came out and asked if I’d come on the show for an interview.

Holy. Wow.

It’s live. It’s a live TV show. I’m going to be on live TV.

You know what this means, don’t you? Yeah:

  • Profuse sweating: it’ll be like that scene out of Broadcast News, when wotshisname does his first anchor spot and nearly drowns in his own sweat.
  • Profuse profanity: I won’t be able to stop myself. I’m sure I’ll unknowingly colour the air around me blue with expletives. Maybe I should do the interview in sign language, that way I’ll offend a lot less people.
  • Giggling. Lots of.
  • Falling off the sofa: I won’t be able to coordinate my limbs.
  • Inappropriate stroking of Philip Schofield’s hair. Maybe. Probably.
  • Dropping things: you know in Lauren bacall’s first role in To Have and Have Not, she was so nervous that she kept her head down and looked up at the camera and consequently looked spectacularly gorgeous and sultry and divine? Well, it’s going to be exactly like that when I try to drink coffee from the mug in front of me. And by “exactly like that” I mean absolutely nothing like that and I’ll either drop the whole thing or just dribble down my front.

I might be just a tad nervous. Can you tell?

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Writing about writing

March 2nd, 2010 by Justine
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I’ve just done an interview for Aesthetica magazine (not sure which edition the piece will be in yet), a rather funky culture and arts publication. I have to come clean here and admit I’d never heard of it, but it’s the first piece of publicity that actually focuses on the novel and the writing of it. The questions were incredibly thoughtful and probing and it was a complete delight to realise that someone has not only read and loved my novel, but has put such thought into writing about it.

I am such a lucky girl.

Though I really should get some decent author photos taken. Pointing the photographic departments of various magazines towards my Flickr pages to use my photos is all very well, but I’m sure people will soon tire of seeing me lurking in long grass and larking about in pigtails and require something rather more staid and serious.

Or maybe they won’t.

Hopefully they won’t.

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A day, made

February 17th, 2010 by Justine
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I’m terribly tired and woozy and hungry and grumpy and haven’t had coffee yet this morning. Even the sunshine is making me frown.

In an attempt to keep warm I’m wearing my kitty hat at my desk. You know the one. You’ve seen photos. It’s a grey crocheted beanie hat with ears. I adore it, but I’m in such a bad mood this morning I just feel stupid in it.

Fucking grow up, Justine. You’re not a child.

I am whingeing. I am scowling. I am growling.

Suddenly, someone knocks quietly on my door. I turn towards the sound and look through the glass panel, only just restraining my hand from grabbing a stapler and hurling it in that direction.

It’s Lynne, from the next door office. Lynne is a database programmer, like myself, very quiet, conscientious, shy. Maybe ten years older than me. Her pale face smiles back at me from behind the glass. I try on a welcoming expression. I’m not sure it’s convincing, but she seems to be encouraged enough to poke her head round the door. She clears her throat and says:

“Morning. I just wanted to tell you that your hat really suits you. It looks lovely.”

And with that, she is gone, not waiting for a reply and shutting the door softly behind her.

So I quite like the sunshine now. And the morning. And my hat.

And she’s left me her smile. It’s all over my face.

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And here it is, folks

February 15th, 2010 by Justine
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So I received a box of the final version of my first novel, Advice for Strays,  in the mail from the publisher:

Advice for Strays

I might have ripped the plastic off with my teeth. I might have done that.

Advice for Strays

I might also have rolled around on them for a while, hugged them, kissed them, cried, laughed. Yep, I may have done a lot of that. I mean, just look how beautiful they are:

Advice for Strays

That’s all I’m going to say about it, because I’m overwhelmed.

Oh, I will say one more thing. I’ll beg you to buy it. Please? I need to be able to afford a hair cut at some stage this year.

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Not sure how much more WOW I can take..

February 11th, 2010 by Justine
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I’ve just heard that Advice for Strays will be the featured book in the book section of Marie Claire, May edition.

I’m especially chuffed about this, even more so than with my four-page article in the April edition of Glamour magazine (which of course is also hugely exciting), as it’s the first piece that will concentrate solely on the book, on my writing.

And that’s what it’s all about. Not yours truly. Not this silly mug. Not my family.

The writing.

So. I’ll just be bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day.

Don’t mind me.

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Glamourous

February 2nd, 2010 by Justine
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My publicist has been doing an amazing job.

I’ve been asked to do a 2000-word first person piece for Glamour magazine, one of the biggest selling glossies in the UK. This in itself was fairly gobsmacking, but when I heard there was a photo shoot in the offing too I was stunned. Everything has happened incredibly quickly, with the article going to press this coming Friday, and me only finishing the piece yesterday. The photo shoot, in my house, happened last Friday, with huge amounts of camera equipment, clothing and makeup taking over the whole house.

All three women, director, photographer and makeup/hair stylist, were fantastically friendly, fun and professional and I was very soon put at my ease and posing for the camera as if I’d always done it. The swinging from the light fittings may have been a tad much, but they managed to talk me down without losing their smiles. Anyway, they seem to have got some good shots to work with, despite my extreme jetlag. We. Shall. See.

The writing of the article, about the autobiographical elements of my novel to do with my relationship with my father, was difficult. Not least because of the painful issues I was dealing with but also because of the tight deadline. I don’t know how journalists can knock out so much copy with mere hours to spare. I work better under time pressure, but this was ridiculous.

Also, jetlag.

So, that’s me, wearing my own bodyweight in makeup, appearing in April’s edition of Glamour, out in March.

Did I mention the jetlag?

And because it’s hilarious, and I felt like a bloke in drag, a photo of me a couple of minutes after being dolled up, posing like a poser and wearing more makeup than all the makeup I’ve ever worn in my whole life put together. Also, false eyelashes. Yes, really:

Yes. Really.

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It lives

January 15th, 2010 by Justine
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During my last meeting with my agent I was treated to a fine lunch and tales of foreign rights sales. Well, technically no sales yet, but Conville & Walsh have just started submitting to American and European publishers. Excitingment!

Even more exciting was seeing the proof copy of Advice for Strays propped up on the main desk at the agency, right next to Ali Shaw’s wonderful and successful novel The Girl With The Glass Feet. Look how cosy they are together:

Advice for Strays

Now it’s really starting to feel real.

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