am i human yet?

as lame as it gets

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Glamourous

February 2nd, 2010 by Justine
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My publicist has been doing an amazing job.

I’ve been asked to do a 2000-word first person piece for Glamour magazine, one of the biggest selling glossies in the UK. This in itself was fairly gobsmacking, but when I heard there was a photo shoot in the offing too I was stunned. Everything has happened incredibly quickly, with the article going to press this coming Friday, and me only finishing the piece yesterday. The photo shoot, in my house, happened last Friday, with huge amounts of camera equipment, clothing and makeup taking over the whole house.

All three women, director, photographer and makeup/hair stylist, were fantastically friendly, fun and professional and I was very soon put at my ease and posing for the camera as if I’d always done it. The swinging from the light fittings may have been a tad much, but they managed to talk me down without losing their smiles. Anyway, they seem to have got some good shots to work with, despite my extreme jetlag. We. Shall. See.

The writing of the article, about the autobiographical elements of my novel to do with my relationship with my father, was difficult. Not least because of the painful issues I was dealing with but also because of the tight deadline. I don’t know how journalists can knock out so much copy with mere hours to spare. I work better under time pressure, but this was ridiculous.

Also, jetlag.

So, that’s me, wearing my own bodyweight in makeup, appearing in April’s edition of Glamour, out in March.

Did I mention the jetlag?

And because it’s hilarious, and I felt like a bloke in drag, a photo of me a couple of minutes after being dolled up, posing like a poser and wearing more makeup than all the makeup I’ve ever worn in my whole life put together. Also, false eyelashes. Yes, really:

Yes. Really.

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It lives

January 15th, 2010 by Justine
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During my last meeting with my agent I was treated to a fine lunch and tales of foreign rights sales. Well, technically no sales yet, but Conville & Walsh have just started submitting to American and European publishers. Excitingment!

Even more exciting was seeing the proof copy of Advice for Strays propped up on the main desk at the agency, right next to Ali Shaw’s wonderful and successful novel The Girl With The Glass Feet. Look how cosy they are together:

Advice for Strays

Now it’s really starting to feel real.

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WOW OH WOW

November 17th, 2009 by Justine
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So this happened yesterday evening.

Advice for Strays

I found a package from my publisher yesterday when I got home after work, containing five proof copies of Advice for Strays.

What I did next:

  • Gasped.
  • Squeed.
  • Almost threw up.
  • Stroked them.
  • Burst into tears.
  • Laughed like a hyena.
  • Cried some more.
  • Smelled them.
  • Opened one.
  • Sobbed.
  • Flicked through a few pages.
  • Put it down.
  • Fell off the sofa, on which I was kneeling, still in my coat and boots.
  • Tried to get back up but tripped over the rug.
  • Squealed.
  • Whooped.
  • Repeat.

These are just the proofs for reviewers and overseas publishers and other dignitaries, and the final novel will look like the central bit of the illustration you can see on the cover, but holy hell I’m unable to describe what it feels like to see my little book almost all growed up and printed and bound and my words inside and a photo of me on the back and my name, my name, on the cover.

I’ll calm down soon. Honest.

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Apropos of nothing, nada, zilch

October 27th, 2009 by Justine
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The University of Sussex have started publicising my book, so apropos of absolutely nothing here’s a gratuitous shot of me sitting in the field overlooking the University where I did my undergraduate degree, my creative writing course and where I now work. Gawd bless it.

Justine Kilkerr(Image via my Flickr)

So. There you have it, chums.

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Do not be modest

October 17th, 2009 by Justine
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I was given a long author questionnaire to fill in by my publicist, about me and my life and book and stuff to be used with journos and book shops and wotnot. I’m a bit strange in that I rather enjoy filling in questionnaires, and all was well until I came to this question:

Please summarise the purpose and contents of your book (do not be modest).

The purpose of my book, I thought? Er, to be bought and read? To be enjoyed? To be used as a door stop? To be shredded and used as hamster bedding? Um…

The contents, I supposed, are words. Lots of words. Put together to form sentences which make a, um, story. Hopefully the story and its words will make some sort of sense and elicit some positive emotions and be enjoyed, rather than make people want to bang their heads against the wall in anger at having spend their hard-earned cash on it.

And I noticed that I shouldn’t be modest while I was about describing the contents and purpose of my book. So, let’s see..wait. What? Was I meant to be filling in this questionnaire while sitting in my window wearing only my underwear?

Hmm, I thought. Completing this questionnaire is going to take me longer than I anticipated..

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Random House

October 16th, 2009 by Justine
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So last Wednesday I went up to The Big Smoke to visit Random House for the very first time. It’s impressive. Lookit:

Random House

The occasion was my first publicity meeting, during which I would meet my new editor, Tom Avery, for the first time, along with Laura Mell my publicist and Vicki Watson from marketing. My lovely agent Susan Armstrong came along for to keep me sensible.

I’m not sure what I was expecting. It certainly wasn’t what actually happened. What actually happened was an amazing publicity plan in which they plan to go for it big time. I know there aren’t any guarantees that my book will be, for example, discussed on Woman’s Hour, in fact it’s probably unlikely to be picked up by them, but just to hear these fine folk talking about it, and with such excitement and enthusiasm, was enough to make me grin like a fool. A very happy fool. I may also have clapped my hands and jigged up and down in my seat a few times too. I may have done that.

So we discussed national and local radio, TV, magazines, papers, online stuff, festivals, readings, you name it.

More grinning, more jigging, more clapping.

A little tour of the offices followed, during which Tom pressed upon me some lovely books, including the recent Vintage reissue of Vonnegut’s Timequake, the ‘restored’ Carver short stories Beginners and many more. My bag was groaning under the weight of great literature by the time I left.

So that was that. They made me feel like a bit of a star. My next meeting with Laura about publicity will be during the first week of November, when she will visit my little burgh of Brighton, be treated to some fine beers in my favourite pub and tell me how we’re going to conquer the world.

And I’m still grinning like a fool.

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Proof of the proofs

August 27th, 2009 by Justine
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Today, after a bit of postal service wrangling, I received two copies of the printed proofs of Advice for Strays from my publisher. I can’t really describe what it’s like to see my words as they will appear in the printed book, all small and perfect and lovely-of-font. So I won’t try.

I spent some frenzied hours minutes taking photographs with my iPhone, then a few more dreamy minutes gazing at the copies.

Printed proofs of Advice for Strays

And now I’ll have to get to work.

I have until 14th September to send any corrections I have back to the publisher. That’s plenty of time. But being Her Majesty’s Procrastinator-in-Chief, I shall leave it all until the afternoon of the 13th, panic, weep, throw things, sit down, get up, cry some more, open the proofs, get a beer, check Twitter and then spend all night working to get it done before the deadline.

Life is exciting.

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Advice for Strays has a cover…and is on Amazon.

July 19th, 2009 by Justine
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Well suddenly it’s all happening.

On Thursday I received the cover artwork for my debut novel, Advice for Strays, from Jonathan Cape/Random House, my UK and Commonwealth publisher. I didn’t even know they’d commissioned any and had no idea what to expect but was bowled over with what I’ve got. I mean, look at it:

Advice for Strays cover art

Seriously, I love it and it perfectly captures the strange, slightly menacing but humourous atmosphere of the book. It was created by the wonderful Italian illustrator and designer Valerio Vidali.

It’s on my Flickr, where you can see it much larger and in all its glory. You can even leave a comment there, should you be so inclined. Go on. You know you want to.

At the same time, I discovered that the book is already available for pre-order on Amazon. I know, right!

You can read more about the novel on the Conville & Walsh website.

And, yes, if you want to pre-order (!) you can, at Amazon.

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What’s in your head?

July 17th, 2009 by Justine
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A short piece of writing today.

When you first meet him, the therapist gazes at you earnestly and asks why you have come here today.

It’s the first question that has to be asked, of course, but you’ve been dreading it and have no idea what to say.

How do you describe what is happening inside your head when every word that falls from your mouth betrays you?

When every breath you drag into your lungs fights back, is heavy and reluctant.

When you look at the stars and see only the blackness that surrounds them.

When food turns to ash in your mouth.

When every waking moment is spent trembling on the brink of crying or screaming but you find yourself physically unable to do either, so you smile and smile until you think your face will break apart.

When you notice the black hole churning in the ceiling above your bed and decide that today you will die.

So you grin at him wildly and shrug. Then ask if you can mime your problem. Or maybe do an interpretive dance. Then you laugh, because you can’t do anything else and the laugh turns into a sob and you sit there staring at the pen in his shirt pocket.

It is a green biro. Its cap bears deep teeth marks.

He smiles and says nothing.

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I would love to have a room of my own

April 29th, 2009 by Justine
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I originally posted this to my Tumblr. I’m putting it here as well. As you can see I’m a bit confused about what should go where, but ach. Whatever.

room

I would love to have a room of my own.

The room would be wide and long and white with a high, high ceiling. There would be a wooden floor. There would be a large, worn rug.

I would have a wide desk at which to sit and write and read and lay out new treasures. On the desk, which is wide and deep and happy to acommodate things, would live:

  • some favourite stones from the Scilly Isles in Cornwall;
  • a Dia de los muertos skull from Mexico;
  • a red Anglepoise 1227 reading lamp;
  • the wooden lion my sister brought me from South Africa;
  • pens and notebooks;
  • a few postcards and photographs;
  • my mother’s old orange Olivetti Lettera portable typewriter.

The desk would face one of two large windows. There would be no curtains, drapery or blinds. The window would face fields with mountains in the distance, or the sea.

I would have a good office chair, something beautiful and functional and which doesn’t hate my back. I guess this means Eames.

I would have bookshelves taking up most of the wall space. The shelves would reach the high ceiling and I would have a rolling ladder to reach the higher shelves. I’m 5′ 5″, so the higher shelves would be most of them.

I would have books filling the shelves.

I would have maybe a few pictures on the empty wall. I haven’t decided yet which, but there would be a couple of old photos of my mum, maybe one of my Dad. There would be at least one really old map of the world and one of Jamaica.

I would have my old telescope set up in front of the window without the desk, with a low stool.

I would have an Eames Lounge Chair and ottoman in Brazillian rosewood and black leather, because I’d have to do some lounging when my brain stops functioning. In the lounge chair I would ponder and read and cook up schemes and day-dream. I might throw a sheepskin on the lounger in the winter.

I would have a small wooden table next to the lounge chair. When I’m lazing I’d have on the table:

  • coffee in a mug, or vodka with tonic in a glass, or Laphroaig whiskey in a tumbler;
  • a notebook;
  • a book;
  • a pen.

I would have a little blue-grey cat with yellow eyes. The cat would

  • doze on the rug;
  • pounce on my feet while I’m trying to write;
  • jump up onto the desk and mess up my papers;
  • sit on the window sill to watch the birds;
  • tell me stories.

Sometimes she would join me in the lounge chair and curl up against me and purr. And then we’d both fall asleep and wake in the evening when the light is low and golden.

I would love to have a room like that.

It would be a room just for me. A room of my own.

Sort of inspired by Virginia Woolf, but sort of not really.

Image via emmas.blogg

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