am i human yet?

The Glamour piece seems to have gone down well. Really well. In fact so well, that the producers of ITV’s This Morning called my publicist on the day the magazine came out and asked if I’d come on the show for an interview.

Holy. Wow.

It’s live. It’s a live TV show. I’m going to be on live TV.

You know what this means, don’t you? Yeah:

• Profuse sweating: it’ll be like that scene out of Broadcast News, when wotshisname does his first anchor spot and nearly drowns in his own sweat.
• Profuse profanity: I won’t be able to stop myself. I’m sure I’ll unknowingly colour the air around me blue with expletives. Maybe I should do the interview in sign language, that way I’ll offend a lot less people.
• Giggling. Lots of.
• Falling off the sofa: I won’t be able to coordinate my limbs.
• Inappropriate stroking of Philip Schofield’s hair. Maybe. Probably.
• Dropping things: you know in Lauren bacall’s first role in To Have and Have Not, she was so nervous that she kept her head down and looked up at the camera and consequently looked spectacularly gorgeous and sultry and divine? Well, it’s going to be exactly like that when I try to drink coffee from the mug in front of me. And by “exactly like that” I mean absolutely nothing like that and I’ll either drop the whole thing or just dribble down my front.

I might be just a tad nervous. Can you tell?

Tags:   Advice for Strays · novelling · OMG · Writing9 Comments

So I received a box of the final version of my first novel, Advice for Strays,  in the mail from the publisher:

I might have ripped the plastic off with my teeth. I might have done that.

I might also have rolled around on them for a while, hugged them, kissed them, cried, laughed. Yep, I may have done a lot of that. I mean, just look how beautiful they are:

That’s all I’m going to say about it, because I’m overwhelmed.

Oh, I will say one more thing. I’ll beg you to buy it. Please? I need to be able to afford a hair cut at some stage this year.

Tags:   Advice for Strays · novelling · OMG · WritingNo Comments.

During my last meeting with my agent I was treated to a fine lunch and tales of foreign rights sales. Well, technically no sales yet, but Conville & Walsh have just started submitting to American and European publishers. Excitingment!

Even more exciting was seeing the proof copy of Advice for Strays propped up on the main desk at the agency, right next to Ali Shaw’s wonderful and successful novel The Girl With The Glass Feet. Look how cosy they are together:

Now it’s really starting to feel real.

Tags:   Advice for Strays · novelling · OMG · WritingNo Comments.

So this happened yesterday evening.

I found a package from my publisher yesterday when I got home after work, containing five proof copies of Advice for Strays.

What I did next:

• Gasped.
• Squeed.
• Almost threw up.
• Stroked them.
• Burst into tears.
• Laughed like a hyena.
• Cried some more.
• Smelled them.
• Opened one.
• Sobbed.
• Flicked through a few pages.
• Put it down.
• Fell off the sofa, on which I was kneeling, still in my coat and boots.
• Tried to get back up but tripped over the rug.
• Squealed.
• Whooped.
• Repeat.

These are just the proofs for reviewers and overseas publishers and other dignitaries, and the final novel will look like the central bit of the illustration you can see on the cover, but holy hell I’m unable to describe what it feels like to see my little book almost all growed up and printed and bound and my words inside and a photo of me on the back and my name, my name, on the cover.

I’ll calm down soon. Honest.

Tags:   Advice for Strays · novelling · OMG · Writing21 Comments