The Glamour piece seems to have gone down well. Really well. In fact so well, that the producers of ITV’s This Morning called my publicist on the day the magazine came out and asked if I’d come on the show for an interview.
Holy. Wow.
It’s live. It’s a live TV show. I’m going to be on live TV.
You know what this means, don’t you? Yeah:
- Profuse sweating: it’ll be like that scene out of Broadcast News, when wotshisname does his first anchor spot and nearly drowns in his own sweat.
- Profuse profanity: I won’t be able to stop myself. I’m sure I’ll unknowingly colour the air around me blue with expletives. Maybe I should do the interview in sign language, that way I’ll offend a lot less people.
- Giggling. Lots of.
- Falling off the sofa: I won’t be able to coordinate my limbs.
- Inappropriate stroking of Philip Schofield’s hair. Maybe. Probably.
- Dropping things: you know in Lauren bacall’s first role in To Have and Have Not, she was so nervous that she kept her head down and looked up at the camera and consequently looked spectacularly gorgeous and sultry and divine? Well, it’s going to be exactly like that when I try to drink coffee from the mug in front of me. And by “exactly like that” I mean absolutely nothing like that and I’ll either drop the whole thing or just dribble down my front.
I might be just a tad nervous. Can you tell?
Tags: Advice for Strays · novelling · OMG · Writing10 Comments
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Woo hoo! Do you have a likely date yet?
(MrDali/pyrrho from blip).
Hi! Well, it looks like it’s going to be some time in the next three weeks, so I’ll let everyone kno…oh, er. Probably in the year 2017. Yes. Definitely then. Um. So, you know. Move along. Nothing to see here..
Tee hee!
Exciting!
I think you should go ahead and stroke his hair. It’ll be soothing for at least one of you.
“This Morning”? Yeah, I’m gonna need you to be on a real show, not one of your cute little British ones with cute, descriptive names. Try…”Today” or “Good Morning America”.
ALSO WILL IT BE ON THE INTERWEBS SO I CAN SEE?!?!??!?!
How about Oprah? She’s a real show, isn’t she? In fact, she’s more like her own country.
Tee hee! And if it’s on the Intertubes anywhere I shall be advertising the fact mercilessly. You’ll get sick of hearing about it.
I’d try all of them at once. It’ll still be on best-of clip shows and YouTube ten years from now and will guarantee your legacy.
Uh, that’s not helpful is it.
But srsly, congratulations.
It’s all helpful, mate. It’s all helpful.
As someone who has done live TV on many occasions, let me offer this advice: have a drink beforehand. No really. Just one. And never look at the person speaking to you. Because then you will laugh. Just look a bit off centre. Like at their nose. Unless their nose is funny. Then you’re fucked.
This is excellent advice, and I shall be taking it. Did I mention that I’ll be doing it at about 7:00am? No? Hmm. Still. A nip of whisky in my coffee can’t hurt..
Hiya Justine – I don’t usually buy Glamour and neither does my mum, however I was at her house yesterday and she had purchased the recent edition and had read your story. She suggested I read it to, which I did. My Dad was also schizophrenic.
Alot of what you said in your article hit home. So I jotted down the details of your website and your book and so here I am, having a nose and hoping to purchase your book (when I get paid – I have no money right now as I have not long had a baby and well I’m skint til the end of the week!).
That’s great news that you are going to be interviewed on telly, if not a tad terrifying, for you, not me! Please let me know when you will be on so I can Sky+ it.
PS. I also like to write – I’ve only ever had two things published though and always seem to just get ‘stuck’ in life! I’ll have a nose at the rest of your website soon – must go and be mum!
Take Care
Claire